Letters to Gina; Time to Run the Tile

IMG_1483.jpgDear Gina,

The snow is falling softly, blanketing the world in airy whiteness.  The green of the hemlock needles provides the only break from the greyscale coloring of the world while the muted sky serenely drops more snow.

I’m sitting in the nook, it’s a little late in the day to be eating a respectable breakfast, but that’s what I’m about to do.  Sometimes the schedule this late in the year feels weird, and the lack of structure in the day leads to late nights and later mornings.

In the shower earlier I had a real ‘remove the log from your own eye before removing the mote from your friends’ moment.  I was thinking about an upcoming trip Jessie and I are planning, we’ll be visiting some family over the holidays and my thoughts were on the unfinished building we’ll be visiting.  As I considered the sheetrock that had sat at that location since before my wife and I started dating I shook my head thinking, ‘not me, I wouldn’t let that stand…’ only to realize there was unfinished tile in the shower I was in.

Ugh. Caught myself in the act.

How different the world looks from my first person perspective.  There were a million good reasons that the tile wasn’t done, and none of them mattered, it wasn’t done.  I know each of the reasons intimately.  Do I imagine that our family doesn’t have good reasons that their projects aren’t done?  Of course not, I’m sure that they have had, and will continue to have all the reasons they need not to hang that sheet rock.  Just like I have and will continue to have all the reasons I need not to run the tile.

That tile will go in at the same time the sheetrock does, when the reasons not to give way to the desire for change.

Anything can initiate this change.  Self awareness, spousal awareness, time, money, help, any of countless things.  The important thing is, everything sits as it is, UNTIL, I CHANGE MY MIND.

When the reasons not to run tile give way to a plan to run the tile.  When I decide to run the tile, it will happen.  It will happen because I will bend my focus, that is to say, my knowledge, my time and my mind to starting, executing, and completing the task.

It’s hard not to feel a bit abashed when thinking about the holes in how I see the world.  The glaring grin of ego who sees solutions for everyone else’s world while ignoring the housekeeping in my own.  It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

I think that that discomfort is the first step to finding change.  I can’t comfortably support the belief that other people should hang their sheetrock but my tile doesn’t matter.  What I am coming to realize, is that, for now, all that I need to focus on is my tile.

Maybe down the road time and circumstance will allow me to visit my family with the time and tools necessary to help hang the sheetrock, but before I worry about the sheetrock at my family’s house, I’ll run the tile in mine.

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